This is a long and unpleasant post. You may choose not read this post which, by the way, has nothing to do with the law.
I sit at my desk staring at my ticket stub from last night’s Red Sox-Yankees baseball thing (I refuse to call it a game, which implies structure, competition and competency). It reminds me that it cost $132. Double that for my wife, add $40 for parking, add 5 beers and 3 franks and one bag of nuts and guess what: my investment for the evening was: $377.
Here is how the evening went:
1. We used napkins to wipe the water from the rainshower from our seats. Mostly successful; I do not mind sitting as if in a wet diaper, I have had past experience in that capacity.
2. The Sox loaded the bases three times in the first five innings, twice with none out, and mustered two runs against a Yankee pitching staff that was decimated (I think they used eight pitchers; their starter lasted one inning).
3. Our pitcher (recently acquired, a NL all-star; you will note I do not mention his name, as I do not acknowledge roster additions until they either get a hit or win a ballgame), who earns more than you and me (combined), did last 5 1/3 innings (I make that about $20,000 per pitch) but at least he left with a 2-1 lead.
4. There followed an evening that made me think David Price was pitching because the bullpen lost the game, painfully, although the starter actually left with a lead. The Yankees, officially in rebuilding mode and having traded their two best players (pitcher Andrew Miller and hitter Carlos Beltran), proceeded to get five runs and then three runs in consecutive innings. They ended up with about 15 hits which means we left pitchers on the mound while being killed but, then again, no successor had success so why worry? Among highlights were a homer, walk and a couple of hits allowed by Ozawa (who by every August can no longer get my grandmother out, which should not be hard as she died decades ago) and three (count them) wild pitches by the same bum in the same inning, two of which scored runs (can you believe we left in a pitcher after two wild pitches? Some strange fascination about lightening never striking three times in the same place?).
After the pinch hitter for our third baseman struck out and Betts left the game due to muscle problems, at least we could stay around for the eighth and ninth because after all, the heavy hitting Red Sox surely could make up a five run deficit with six outs to play with.
Well, six outs there were, with nothing separating them.
And in all events we could stick around to see Ortiz bat. Girardi (Yankee manager for the uninitiated) pitched around Ortiz (three walks in four at bats, two intentional) but at least they pitched to Big Papi with none on in the ninth and a five run lead and Betances(Yankee relief pitcher for the uninitiated) throwing at 99 miles an hour.
5. So Big Papi promptly fouls a pitch off some part of his body, goes to the ground like a dying cartoon character (I would say, think of Kung Fu Panda but we already had one of THOSE nonfunctional things), and is damned near carried off the field between two straining minions. Of course, his replacement at the plate (some guy named Bruce Bentz or Mooky Bentz or Bruce Wayne, who can keep track??) promptly struck out.
6. It should be noted that the sainted Hanley Ramirez is in free-fall; zero for five, hitting under .270, soon he will not be hitting his weight. Of course you will walk Ortiz every time; you can count on the next out already.
7. Oh yes, there were two Yankee hitters who were roundly booed, in pure “Yankees suck” Fenway style. These moments were the highlights, of course. Se we roundly booed a man (Jake) who was a former Boston favorite who hit over .300 for our club for a total of four years before WE traded him through no fault of his own; and then the imperfect but impressive A-Rod. I stood up and clapped because A-Rod is a turkey but in Fenway they play baseball, not cater to discussions of PEDs, infidelity and ego, and A-Rod could play baseball as well as anyone who ever put on the uniform. There they are, the Sox faithful, booing a man who has hit almost exactly the same number of homeruns as hit by Ortiz, Pedroia and Betts TOGETHER.
In fairness, you should have no sympathy for me as I should know better. My record for in-person viewing Red Sox home games is that the Sox have won seven in the last two decades and have lost 1,331. No really, you could look it up. They should pay me not to come. Then again, this game lasted only a mere four and half hours (all Yankee games take forever; this one with something like 16 pitchers, took longer than forever).
So last night at Fenway was akin to a high colonic– administered with hydrochloric acid. The only difference being: if you took the enema, you would not have to wake up the next morning and remember the experience.